About Allie

Why I Do This Work

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I was a curious, sensitive, creative, and open kid. I grew up in the redwoods, and I loved camping, playing in the dirt, swimming, singing, and laughing. 

But there wasn’t much room for that little girl in my home. I was really small when I realised that being vulnerable, having needs, or expressing who I was wasn’t safe or welcomed. I started shutting down, adapting, and adjusting; doing my best to keep myself safe.

Gradually, I pushed down the messy, expressive, curious parts of me, and instead I became capable, logical, and independent. I learned to stay calm, anticipate moods, and keep going no matter how I felt.

I started to value being ‘strong’ and ‘logical’ above all else, since feelings were off limits. To me, ‘strong’ meant being unaffected by abuse, not having needs, and managing myself and others without asking for help.

It’s only natural that when it came to university, I studied psychology. Through education, employment in the field, and my own therapy, I learned a lot. I started to understand family dynamics, trauma, and the pattern of narcissistic abuse I grew up with. I started to realise that it was separate from me - not my fault, and not a reflection of any shamefulness in me.
It was a relief, mentally, but I still felt physically weighed down by it all. 

My body felt perpetually drained, exasperated, and burnt out - screaming at me, like it was still enduring the abuse. And in some ways it was.

I started to notice that I was overriding my basic bodily needs (think sleeping, eating, peeing, taking breaks), dismissing my emotions, making myself small, and holding myself back from opportunities. I had learned to treat myself in many of the same ways I had been treated, and I didn’t know how to stop.
So I looked into what I could do to unpack the feelings and wounds, and support my body.

That’s what somatics is, so I thought - “I need that”.
It felt really ‘woo woo’ to me at first, just to listen to my body, when it had always been either a tool or an enemy to me. I wasn’t even sure I deserved the attention.

But I did it anyway.

I was pretty self aware (when it came to my faults), but now I started paying attention to myself in a completely different way. What I felt, what I needed, what I wanted, what my body was telling me, and what happened when I actually listened.
I became better at saying no, asking for what I wanted, taking up space, being more vulnerable, and making choices that actually felt right for me. I started reconnecting with parts I had lost, like my curiosity, creativity, confidence, and sense of fun. I started feeling more safe, supported, and at home in my own skin.

More than anything, I started treating myself like someone who mattered, because I finally believed it was true.
That is a huge part of why I do this work now.

For me, healing is less about arriving somewhere and more about how I treat myself every day. It’s the daily practice of noticing what I feel, listening to what I need, and choosing not to abandon myself again.

The more I’ve lived this way, the more I’ve felt like myself again. And I love that person. 

I hope my story helps you believe that this is possible for you too.